Biggest cock-ups

[H8RRA 0]

me and a mate went to change a steering rack on a mk1 fiesta,my mate managed to get a brand new sttering rack for £10 but it was off a mk2 fiesta,it was just a bit longer but we managed to get it to fit,untill we went to drive it,as you probably guessed the wheels were pointing a bit out of line so they wanted to both go in different directions,was pretty funny to watch,and the screetching it made brought all the neighbours out...made quite a few cock ups on escorts mainly forgetting to put the thrust bearing back in after fitting gearboxes :) :roll:

 

Oversize steering rack and wheels at 10 to 2 no doubt!!!! :D :D :D :D makes me feel so much better and so much brighter after the howlers i've let everyone in on :oops:

[Chris VR6nos 0]

Funny.

 

Some years ago when I was young and enthusiastic and into MKII Escorts I went down to the country a little to help get an MKII Escort with a mate called Derek and another bloke who's a Radio DJ on Galaxy who at the time had a Ford Fiesta.

Now Fiesta's aren't the largest or heaviest of cars but that's all we had to tow the MKII Escort back with.

The Escort was an RS2000 with full X-Pack and nose cone, the full shebang!

A trailer was hired and off we went, the only trailer that was available was too big really and could have fitted a mini on it as well as the Escort so picture the scene!

We are breaking the law at this point as the maximum weight needs to be less than 80% of the vehicle towing it!

We get there and decide how to get the car on the trailer, we use some planks of wood to lessen the slope to help access onto the trailer, half way on and the weight of the Escort and the leverage caused the back of the fiesta to lift up and the wheels were off the ground!

The DJ was flapping and could hardly say "My car, My car!"

I was useless as I was crying so much and laughing which made the situation worse!

Anyway we scurried to the vehicle's aid by 3 of us and the Escort owner piling on the back of the Fiesta, phew it was going down but just then the escort had other ideas and slipped off the wood and left it's self purchased on the back of the trailer by it's lower front splitter under the bumper so the whole weight of the Escort with it's 2.0Litre engine was on the valence with the wheels hanging in mid air, now it was Derek that was shouting "My car, My car!", again I was creased and just shouted out where's the f*cking cameras!

Believe me, this wasn't the end of it.

We eventually set off back up to Funderland on the A1 with this Escort on the top of an oversized and high trailer being pulled along with a 1.3Fiesta Ghia with 3 blokes in it!

We were p1ssing our selves laughing at one of the four headlights that was 3/4 full of water and was dancing and swishing about, the Escort was so high on the trailer that we were looking out of the back window of the Fiesta up at the bumper and lights which were only 3foot(1meter) from the tailgate, then it started swishing about more and more, I was getting concerned at this time as we had gone over the crest of a hill and were gathering speed down a slope on the A1.

The trailer started to get a tank slapper on and the Fiesta was not really going in a straight line now, I suggested to accelerate to straighten it out (Christ I do open my mount don't I) so we accelerated but it didn't straighten out, Derek had consigned himself to losing the car off the trailer as things were THAT bad! getting worse by the accelerated weight and the hill meaning the Fiesta couldn't stop this runaway train with it's titchy breaks, so we held on for dear life getting chucked from side to side and the shouting went to silence!

All still bricking it, our salvation was the hill coming up that we would climb and slow down.

 

The journey home from that point was painfully slow but safe and relieving.

That's my exploit with Chris VR6nos!

 

 

Chris VR6nos

[H8RRA 0]

whats worrying here chris is that we've got more than everyone else put together and theres more coming to mind all the time

 

but i still think wheels flying through cricket fields (check your nuts when chris is about:D :D) and barbequed family canines takes some beating :D:D:D

[NickVR6 0]

I spanked the wifes vento VR this weekend, so to speak. Anyway after a full on 6 hour washing, polishing, window rubbers, glass polish etc etc etc (i spend at least double this one mine), I grabbed an old can of back to black to do those big plastic sill covers down the side. Did one side and thought chr.st this stuff stinks, followed by a hot flush and pounding heart to the realisation that

A. It was a can of cellulose clear laquer.

B. My wife is probably even more an.l about her car than me, and thats saying something.

 

I'm just trying to find the right momment to tell her the bottoms of her doors look a "bit funny".

 

Funny thing is I was washing it for her to make up for our argument last week, the one that broke my engine mount.

 

Think ill be working late this week.............

[Chris VR6nos 0]

I've got a corker but i need to get Jay Renshaw to post it cos after all it did happen to him but directly involved me! :oops:

 

 

 

Chris

[NickVR6 0]

spill the beans nos man!

[Furkz 0]

nothing on that scale (for which I'm thankful actually)

 

tinkering in the engine bay a few weeks ago with.... chrisvr6nos, had the drivers window down for some reason or another and the imobiliser tripped itself as its ment to. leaning through the window to the keys in the ignition i somehow managed to catch the 'arm' button on the fob rather than the 'disarm' button...doors lock..window starts to go up! cue a panic from me and hand darting in and out of the car at amazing speed as i try to decide if i should rescue my keys or not via a rapidly closing window which I'm not sure will stop if i get in its way!

 

I dont know what I was worried about, my spare keys were in the house 20ft away!

 

this happened to me but i locked the keys in, had to call mummy to send the spares out lucky i wasnt too far

 

i think chrisvr6nos should be on telly or something this thread is hillarious

[Chris VR6nos 0]

I was on TV as it happens, on a Channel 4 program called 'Boss Swap'

It was all going so well too!

The guy who came up to be our boss became good friends with me and i was interviewed and recorded on camera more than anyone else there.

The interviewer liked the honest and straight way i answered questions so i was expecting half the program to have me in it.

The problem was highlighted when my boss fell out with the staff in the other boss's company then found out that i'd become friends with who was now the 'enemy'

The end result was when my boss came back armed with this knowledge and with a bee in his bonnet he sacked me so i couldn't tell any 'secrets' to the TV crew and the documentary was edited and i was all but cut out which was a shame though i did get a number of texts from Forum members telling me i was on tv and phone calls from around Britain whilst sitting a H8RRA's house watching it.

That was funny.

 

I don't know what the moral of this story is but as i said earlier, I just try to help people!

 

 

Chris

[H8RRA 0]

we certainly form a good double act, Furki, but chris likes slagging it around with anyone and doesn't mind being involved in anyones F&%KUP, not just mine :onfire:

- we're "fixing" things again at the weekend so there may be more installments next week. One thing to bear in mind is that everyone probably has x% f*&KUP's but our x% has a higher count cos we've probably done quite a lot compared to most

[Blown 0]

Oh,I dunno.

How about this one?

Around 12 years ago,when I was a mere 20 and had just bought my second car-a 1.6 CavalierMK2 saloon,and was chuffed to bits.

Well,amongst my group of friends (John) was one bloke who's dad was quite a prominent farmer/businessman and therefore was a bit "minted".

On his 18th birthday my mates dad bought him a car-a secondhand Fiat Uno turbo IE16,also paid the first years insurance for him.

Now this guy just couldn't stop bragging about this motor of his and was full of stories about how he'd thrashed this and done X amount of speed

on roads that we knew couldn't be done.

So one year his old man provides a big barn dance for the young farmers association and we tag along(invited of course!)

Much 70/-shilling later and a call of nature later,we find the Fiat and a plan is cracking the shell with it's beak. :twisted:

We distract John with the means of some fine young ladies and proceed to nick his car(this is a place where you can still leave your keys in your car and still find it in the same place three days later-usually) and have a go ragging around a field-until blue smoke started coming from the exhaust.

Fearing that we'd blown the turbo and being mildly tipsy-okay we were absolutley bladdered by this point-we decided to try and hide the car by driving it headlong into a haystack.We managed to cover it quite well.

Next day,well hungover the phone rings and here's John desperately wanting to know the whereabouts of his car-I feign ignorance of course,but I could tell that he was not happy and near to tears.

The police were involved and they did what they could but the car never turned up.

 

Until about two weeks later when the haystack was going to be fed into the baler.

That was when the car was finally found-after John had driven the toes of a tractor mounted fork into the side of his own car. :?: :oops: :crazyeyes: :pale:

Funnily enough,he doesn't speak much to any of us nowadays. :lol:

[ben16v 0]

a mate of mine set fire to his rear seats in his old beetle while getting jiggy in the back, when the springs in the seat touched the terminals on the battery,

 

the horse hair seats had to be thrown out of the car much to the amusement of several cars of people sitting at the viewpoint where he was!

[H8RRA 0]

how jiggy had he got? was there naked flesh jumping around with burning bushes :onfire:

[chrishill 0]

at the weekend....

 

me and chris vr6nos were going to grind my caliper carriers down to fit my wheels properly (ok he was going to do it and i was going to watch).

 

first job, jack the car up. Didnt think i could get the big jack under the car so decided to drive it onto some bricks (kindly supplied by h8rra) for a bit more room. wedged the bricks in front of the wheels, jumped in and made to drive up onto them, edging forwards slowly until i can feel the bricks giving resistance and then ease the gas on to try and get on top of the bricks when CRACK! BANG! shocked looks from both chris and h8rra and me wondering WFT just happened, got out to find both bricks cracked in half, one still under the wheel the half other somewhere near the back of the car having t*atted off the underneith of the sil, and the other half under my backbox! still to check properly for damage... oops!

 

IOU 2 bricks paul ;)

[Chris VR6nos 0]

Following this thread on........

 

Me and Chrishill were sitting having a cup of coffee in his kitchen and a natter, there was a knock on the door and some bloke asking who owns the scirocco outsode!

Knowing that people get thee scirocco and the Corrado confused, we said yeah we own them.

He then promptly explained that there was a silver one that had rolled half way down the road down the bank!

I shouted oh no Chris(hill) your car's done it again!

He replied, no it couldn't cos the car was left in gear and that he couldn't be that unlucky so it must be mine!!!

Shlt i thought and ran out to see if it was my silver VR that had rolled away the same way as Chrishill's had done just a coule of weeks ago.

Surelly enough it was mine that had rolled away down the same hill that killed Chris's car!

Fortunatelly mine hadn't crashed into anything and had been heading for a tree when the handbreak tension was just enough to slow it to a stop before it greeted the tree!

Phew!

 

 

Chris

[H8RRA 0]

i've remembered one that doesn't involve you, chris!!!!

 

Long ago, I had an automatic cavalier (why, i don't know but i was travelling a lot and it was comfortable....) Thrashed it senseless to the point where the bolts holding the torque converter to the drive plate elongated the drive plate mounting holes.

 

sounded horrendous!!!

 

Decided to convert to manual and sourced all the parts, bought new clutch etc (it was actually cheaper that a new drive plate for the auto!!!)

 

Stripped the auto kit, offered up the manual box but would it hell mate with the engine block!!! No matter how we tried or repeated tried to align the clutch, it would go.

 

After much huffing and puffing, found that the spiggot bearing in the crank shaft was smaller than the DIA of the shaft of the manual gearbox F&^KING Vauxhalls!!!!!!

[veeDuB_Rado 0]

:shock:

 

Well I certainly won't be going round Chris' house :lol:

 

Unless I take some large straps and anchors!

[H8RRA 0]

What about the brake pipe incident chris.......

[4stud 0]

I fitted a new master cylinder on the Anglia and the piece of floor which covers it did not want to go back on. It's only a small piece about 8" by 4" that is positioned right between my legs. Anyway was on the bypass just after doing about 70 when the air flow under the car pops this piece of floor up over my knee and into the passenger footwell. Dirt and dust blow up through the hole created into my face forcing me to shut my eyes (not wise at 70mph).

Luckily no one was about so my swerving lanes never caused an accident.

[chrishill 0]

could be a useful hole for deploying an anti-police oil slick through if you were that way inclined 4stud!

 

anyway, i thought you were supposed to always wear driving goggles in cars like that ;)

[4stud 0]

Lol, yeah would prob end up over my rear tyres though. Cant find any goggles, would like some just for the crack.

[catch_twotwo 0]

The nearest i can come is the 4 hours I p*ssed around on Sunday trying to replace me original wiper kit with a nice shiey one from Storm...

 

No matter how me and my friend Wayne twisted and turn it.... greased and manouvered it.... it just wouldn't go....

 

Suddenly it hit me as we got the final warning from his wife that we better be out of her dinning room in 5 minutes or he'd be divorced. I've got a LHD car.... and the kits for a RHD :oops: man I felt like an idiot....

[Jim 2]

Remebered a good one off my mate.

 

He had a Renault Clio 172 and was having some sort of problem which meant he wanted to pop the bonnet with the engine running and give the car a few revs. Except that he forgot about the Clifford alarm feature he had enabled which locked the car after it went above 2000RPM.. so door closed, bonnet open, revs engine, clunk as the doors lock... errrr.... damn! Car idling on the drive way with no way to get inside the sodding thing to stop it.

 

Can't remeber what he did to get in, but it made me laugh quite a lot when I heard about it :)

[chrishill 0]

a mate of mine did something simular when we were 17 and at collage, i dont remember the exact cercumstances now but he managed to lock his keys in the car with the engine running.

 

He tried all sorts of things, stuffing a hat up the exhaust to get the engine to stop (??) crawling under the front of the car to see if he could reach the battery and diconnect it (quite how he thought he would do that i dont know!) and trying to pick the lock...half a hour later his mum turned up to rescue him with the spare keys, much to our amusement (here you go son, i've brought you a thermos of soup too).

[Chris VR6nos 0]

hahaha this thread has long running potential!

 

 

Chris

[catch_twotwo 0]

a mate of mine did something simular when we were 17 and at collage, i dont remember the exact cercumstances now but he managed to lock his keys in the car with the engine running.

 

My Mercedes A-class used to have a tendency to do that.... if you left it running and didn't move off it armed the alarm and locked the doors without killing the engine. The alarm was horrible as it went off at 60mph on a backroad once and almost made me loose it on a sharp corner.... :twisted: