I know this will get locked immediately.... perhaps not....

[Trig 0]

Unfortunately, we have to wear pink shirts...

 

I should be getting my own Cocktail section on the site soon!!

[biggerbigneil 0]

Phil K,

hehe thats a good come back

I, however, don't associate with any customer service band A scum

If there is a problem with your BMW, simply purchase another one and we will deal with selling your old one with minimal cash given to yourselves and maximum profit for us, oh sorry I wasn't suppose to tell lol

[biggerbigneil 0]

This is funny, got sent this by Hugo: -

 

Diary of a BMW driver

 

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways,

which was very busy with inferior cars.

 

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down

for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely

big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The

driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an

apology to me with a long blast of his horn.) Unbelievably, I had tried to

do the same again before I could get into the BMW lane. (Why do underlings

use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?) Anyway,

once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 95mph enjoying the adulation

that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car

ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was only

driving at a ridiculous 70mph!

 

Naturally, I got to within a foot or so from his rear bumper and flashed my

headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and

to get out of my way.

 

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I

could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also

tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on

some blue lights in his front grill to attract my attention and then urged

me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my

excellent car.

 

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave

me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

 

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to

take my driver's licence to a Police station to be sent away to have some

points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was

allowed 3! But the man at the Police station said that because I drive a

BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I

won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

 

See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!'

[Phil K 0]

PMSL :lol:

[potatonet 0]

"It reacts violently with chlorine and fluorine, forming hydrohalic acids, which can damage the lungs and other tissues. In air, it is highly flammable, burning at concentrations as low as 4

[biggerbigneil 0]

Ah Potato head, one for the invisible fuel crew!

 

Do You Have What It Takes To Drive a BMW?

 

A BMW is a special kind of car, and it takes a special type of person to drive one. The company has therefore devised an aptitude test to identify those of the required calibre.

 

Answer these simple questions to find out if you've got what it takes to drive a common-as-muck German repmobile with scowling bonnet and weird headlights:

 

1. Your BMW is equipped with four orange flashing lights, one at each corner. What should you use them for?

 

A: To indicate my intention to turn at an approaching junction

B: Nothing: they are entirely decorative, and have no practical purpose

C: To enable me to park wherever and whenever I choose, regardless of disruption to other users of the footpath.

 

2. When might you use a hand-held mobile phone whilst driving your BMW?

 

A: Never, as it is inconsiderate to other road users.

B: Strictly in emergency situations only

C: All of the time: I need to keep calling people up to remind them how great I am.

 

3. You are doing 100 miles an hour in the outside lane of the motorway, when you come up behind another car. What do you do?

 

A: Slow down to a safer speed, and pull into the lane to my left

B: Ease off just a little to keep a safe distance between the other car and mine

C: Drive right up to the car's bumper and keep flashing my lights until the idiot gets out of my way.

 

4. Which of these best describes the kind of work that you do?

 

A: Caring for other people

B: Making something of practical use

C: Selling houses or drugs at a big profit

 

5. Your latest sales bonus / drug deal leaves you with an extra couple of thousand pounds to spend on your new BMW. What features might you add to its specification?

 

A: A full leather interior for comfort and durability

B: Satellite navigation to help me get to important meetings on time

C: A set of enormous alloy wheels that make the car look like a giant Tonka toy.

 

6. You drive your grandmother to the supermarket to do your shopping for you. Where do you park your BMW?

 

A: In a standard parking space, with all the ordinary cars

B: Parking spaces? I've got those orange lights, remember!

C: Supermarket? The old bat can take the bus and like it.

 

7. Because of a poorly-designed bend in the road, your BMW mounts a kerb, causing you to run into a group of schoolchildren, and almost drop your mobile phone. Your first words after the accident are most likely to be:

 

A: "I am so sorry, it's all my fault!"

B: "Stay calm everyone, I'll call an ambulance."

C: "I'll have to call you back, mate, some stupid kids have ... Oh, my God! Look at the state of my car; I paid more than 25 grand for this, you know!"

 

8. Somebody says that you have such an ego that you think any criticism of you or your BMW can only be motivated by envy. What do you do?

 

A: Give consideration to what they say; maybe they have a point

B: Have a reasoned discussion to try and change their point of view

C: Ignore them: they are obviously jealous.

 

Scoring

For each question that you answered 'A' give yourself 0 points

For each question that you answered 'B' give yourself 0 points

For each question that you answered 'C' give yourself 10 points

 

Your Total

0 to 30 points: Get back to your Nissan Micra, loser!

40 to 50 points: Get back to your Nissan Micra, loser!

60 to 70 points: Welcome to the world of BMW! You need never let anyone out of a junction ever again.

80 points: You take smugness to a new level, and you have no mates. Well done! You qualify to drive that most BMW of all BMWs, the 3-Series Convertible.

More than 80 points: Not only are you smug and friendless, but you tell fibs too.

Brilliant! You have landed yourself a plum job on our sales team, where you can talk about yourself to other BMW drivers all day every day. Congratulations, it's no less than you deserve!

 

We kindly ask that you pass this test on to prevent ordinary people from clogging up BMW showrooms and distracting staff from the important job of polishing their egos. Thank you for your co-operation. Now, leave us alone, and get back to your Nissan Micra, loser!

[Toad 0]

"

 

forget everything I ever mentioned about the joe cell.

 

I don't think saying it just works, you might need to borrow that special pen off your mates the men in black to make us all go away!!!! :roll:

[DaveVR6 0]

Im intrigued! Dont really understand the physics of it all, but sceptically interested in the results.

[veeDuB_Rado 0]

Right, my goddamn toaster is sooo slow with it's process, will adding a K&N to it make it faster? Herd they can give an extra 3.2 EHP (electronic horse power)

 

Thanks

 

~ Biggun, Ivor

[mrbeige 0]

I might be open minded about many things, but this all seems a little far fetched, so I thought I'd ask a friend of mine at work who has a PhD in Chemistry......

 

"Its a load of twaddle mate" where his words, and call me stupid, but if a Dr of chemistry (from Cambridge Uni) tells me its a load of rubbish then I'm inclined to agree.

 

I'd love to be proved wrong though....

[ben16v 0]

the joe cell was invented by an englishmen in 1830.

 

 

that explains it all!!! :lol:

:onfire:

 

 

 

 

 

[potatonet 0]

I would like to hear what your friend from cambridge has to say on the matter actually.

 

 

oh and for everyone with an open mind we are making system with a motor suspended in a plastic box, no carb, no fuel, just the line from the cell going to a pipe that leads to the intake, and a battery to keep the negative on the cell.

 

small 39cc motor.

 

the only problem with college professors is they reiterate what they have been taught...

 

dont worry we are working on it, only have time in the evening and on the weekends though. I will tape what happens with the cell's foam on my digital camera.

[veeDuB_Rado 0]

small 39cc motor.

 

0.03 litre engine :? :scratch:

[potatonet 0]

briggs and straton aluminum(aluminium) engine, uses a magneto.

 

we are looking for a motorcycle engine, this engine is for a weed wacker.

[bcstudent 0]

not everyone is out to get me JMC, BC was making me sound like I was trying to make myself seem smart, Im NOT!

....

oh and the joe cell was invented by an englishmen in 1830.

I appologise if my posts have come across as a bit harsh; that wasn't the desired outcome, although I have to stand by the point I was trying to make.

I'm sitting here wondering several things:

 

1) This Joe Cell idea has been around for almost 200 years and nobody has made any provable progress with it? You, yourself, claim to have made some advancement with it but offer no proof. People would take the thread more seriously I'm sure, and maybe offer some answers to your questions, if they didn't see it as a wind up.

 

2) It would appear to me that you're intending to run your Corrado on a revolutionary fuel and fully expect the standard ECU map to pretty much just cope with it. I'm assuming with a remap you can run whatever ignition advance you like, or is that train of though a bit too 'conventional'?

 

3) You mention being the first to achieve the mounting of an AMG supercharger in your last project. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't that get scrapped before it ever ran? It's nice to have ideas but in order to be taken seriously you're going to have so see some stuff through to the end!

[CoxyLaad 0]

dude, I hope you get it going, I really do.

if you do I will love to see it. Infact I would travel across the water to see it!

 

just be careful not to do something daft and cock up the space time continuom

[potatonet 0]

you are correct it didnt run and I should have completed it to that point.

 

I should have made a video of this stuff, and I will, I didnt think of the digital camera's video capability till today.

 

joe cell idea was around for 200 years yes, method was lost till 92, physicist in the 30s developed the theory behind what happens, he wasnt building joe cells though, he was just developing theory on light and frequency of sound. 1992 was when the "joe cell" name came around because the guys name is joe from australia. he was "hushed up" (again we dont have proof) for about 6 years when he finally started doing it again and has been ever since. a guy here in the states that I actually talk to was "hushed up" as well less than 2 months ago.

 

my engine doesnt have a crankshaft position sensor, only thing it senses is knock and detonation and then it retards or advances the timing based on what the knock sensor reads, approx 6.8kHz, being that this stuff explodes in the MHz range the knock sensor wont pick it up, or it will and something wierd will happen.

 

yes a remap is best, BahnBrenner wont help me, they said "I cant help you with this", Im pretty sure he thinks I lost my marbles. I would talk to SNS but they only like to do things in person in the states, wierd I know.

 

if this wont work on a C I will try it on a motorcycle, or something with a Carb because that seems to be what works.

 

but at this time I wont be responding to anything else on this thread that has anything to do with a joe cell till I make a video of what I am doing. at that time I will post the video on here. shouldnt be more than 2 days from now being that the cell is at my friends house and I dont know if I am going over there tonight or not. got to get my switchblade key cut first =-)

[veeDuB_Rado 0]

I didn't even think the name "Joe" would've been around 200 years ago, anyway, be good to see it running..

[Musicman 0]

I must admit to being particularly excited by the suggestion this thing is an Orgone Accumulator.

 

William Reich was an incredibly fascinating individual and died in jail while defending the theory from the US Government.

 

'Cause every time it rains,

You're here in my head,

Like the sun coming out--

Ooh, I just know that something good is going to happen.

And I don't know when,

But just saying it could even make it happen.

 

Do let me know if you're subject to uncontrollable erections while driving your car with the new power plant - unless others can inform me that is the a perfectly normal reaction to owing a Corrado. :)

[JMC 0]

I know not everyone will want to read this but there is a 'traditional' explanation fo the production of mysterious gasses in these cells when you pass an electric current through them (just in case any one else fancies making their own mind up about it).

 

Physicists letter regarding the cell

 

Basically electrolysis. As mentioned in this link, producing a 2:1 hydrogen/oxygen is making rocket fuel. If you are going to go ahead and play with this, good luck, and for Gods sake make sure you're damn careful....

[potatonet 0]

well if its a rocket fuel powered corrado then great, because its running on water.

 

and orgone is what makes the joe cell run, Im not sure about the theory though william reich and einstein proved it.

[JMC 0]

It's more the electricity from the battery cracking the water to make the hydrogen and oxygen, rather than running on water.

 

Quote from the above link "...in truth more energy is consumed in the electrolysis, than can be stored in the released gases, so even though they will burn in the engine, overall in you cannot make enough fuel from the electricity from the motor's generator output to fuel the engine alone - that would be perpetual motion, energy for free, and that really doesn't happen in this universe. Honestly."

 

Anyway lad, good luck with it....

[Jstar 0]

I found a warp drive at the back of my shed :D

 

Potatonet. I sort of understand what your saying about this system. But I have to say I think we have a fair way to go yet to get what your trying to achieve. I've just installed a 1 meter target magnetron in our company. It basically creates a vacuum (less than 2 x 10E-6 Torr). You then intoduce a gas (most types) and a hugh electromagnetic field. We can then "sputter" (a great word) onto a product to coat it (chrome, anti reflect, etc,etc.) However the machine needs 160KW to run. Needs the biggest cooling system I've ever had to deal with (a small room) and makes so much noise it would rattle your C to bits in seconds. So even though I like your lateral thinking as my Boss would say. I'm not such about intoducing this to your car. I mean, why not pick on a c**p car to blow up first? :lol:

[JMC 0]

Cool, magnetron sputter coating. Any chance of some out of hours sputter coating jstar - I'm sure a few people on here would like a gold coated engine block 8)

[dinkus 10]

Whether it does produce orgone or not, I'd be very careful messing about with that hydrogen/oxygen mix that comes off as a 'by product' :?