VR-Sixy 0 Posted December 14, 2013 Where do you get some of these mate they're so bad you end up laughing anyway :thumbleft:sickipedia.org. A very bad taste joke website which is not for the faint of heart! Don't say i didn't warn you!! :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted December 14, 2013 Man, i bet Gollum goes absolutely bananas on the 5th day of Christmas! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted December 19, 2013 I got arrested in Switzerland for murder today. I said to the police, "I thought assisted suicide wasn't against the law here?" The officer replied, "Under Swiss law, assisted suicides require medical supervision. You strangled your wife as soon as the plane touched down." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted December 20, 2013 I'm assuming the Lidl three-bird roast advert is for a different type of roast to the three-bird roast in the video I watched late last night... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
davidwort 0 Posted December 20, 2013 I'm assuming the Lidl three-bird roast advert is for a different type of roast to the three-bird roast in the video I watched late last night... don't forget, you get what you pay for, 3 birds at Lidl prices could end up being be quite unpalettable Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bully 10 Posted December 20, 2013 As i awoke one morning, when all good things are born A robin perched on my window sill to welcome in the dawn He was so small and fragile and sweetly he did sing Of thoughts of joy and happiness in my heart did spring I smiled to myself as i stood beside my bed And slowly brought the window down and smashed it on his head......... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted December 26, 2013 I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Roger Chatfield 0 Posted December 26, 2013 What goes down a washing line at 100 mph???? Honda pants..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jim Bowen 1 Posted December 26, 2013 Saw a transvestite walking down the high street in hot pants the other day. Gotta admire his balls... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ray1965 10 Posted February 17, 2014 Bloke's laid in bed next to his girl friend, he turned and said to her, why is it after every time we make love, you always play with my balls? She replied, Well i miss mine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
clumpy1 11 Posted February 17, 2014 :) Not bad Ray got me chuckling Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted February 19, 2014 A couple had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was thehusbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell wouldmake her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would pleadwith him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told herhe couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see adoctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The yearswent by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, asshe was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, shelooked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and amalicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where herhusband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulledback the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkeyguts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usualtrumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound offrantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly controlherself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years oftorture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minuteslater, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a lookof horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. Hesaid, Honey you were right all these years you have warned me and I didn'tlisten to you. What do you mean? asked his wife. Well, you always told me thatone day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, butby the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of themback in............... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ray1965 10 Posted February 19, 2014 :) Not bad Ray got me chuckling Glad to make the old chuckle muscles work Mr Clumpy. Nice one Wullie as well. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted February 26, 2014 A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and £22,398,750.78 in cash." The granddaughter, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh granny, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Granny whispered, "Facebook... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
g0ldf1ng3r 13 Posted February 26, 2014 A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and £22,398,750.78 in cash." The granddaughter, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh granny, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, Granny whispered, "Facebook... HA HA good 1!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted February 28, 2014 A man received the following text from his neighbour: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day... and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn predictive txt. I meant "wifi", not "wife". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BILLCOR 1 Posted March 12, 2014 A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "F*ck off, you won't bring it back." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
g0ldf1ng3r 13 Posted March 12, 2014 A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "F*ck off, you won't bring it back." Brilliant Billcor!!!! love the simple silly ones!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted March 27, 2014 The guy in Subway made my sandwich and then said, "Would you like any cookies? It's 50p for one or three for a pound." I said, "I'll have two, please." It took him a few seconds, but his head did eventually explode. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BILLCOR 1 Posted March 28, 2014 Spotted this on Facebook Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ray1965 10 Posted March 31, 2014 There was a young man from glosham- who took out his b*llocks to wash em, his wife said jack if ya don't put em back i'll stand on the b*stards and squash em. (one of Lee Evans). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Albertcriss 10 Posted June 6, 2014 A mechanic accidentally splashes brake fluid on his tongue one day and discovers that he likes the taste. He takes to sipping from the bottle during his work day: just a bit at first, then a lot, then a full pint sized bottle each day. His colleafue is getting concerned. "I think you're addicted." "Addicted!" the mechanic responds in anger to the accusation. "I'm not addicted. It's just brake fluid. I can stop anytime I want." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
