Does anyone else feel like rebooting their life?

[Portent 0]

I'm in a lucky position of having a lovely wife and kids, a very good job paying well, a truely lovely house in a peaceful and good area and two cars. But every year I'm working harder and harder to stand still. My mortgage is huge and the type of job I need to sustain all my costs is a very stressful one. I get home each night absolutley exhausted, frequently work 12 to 15 hours per day with a lot of responsibility and am always constantly irritable with everyone as a result. Last year I was quite ill which may or may not be related to years of stress and the after effects will have a lifelong effect on the rest of my life. It seems I'm working very hard just to sustain a lifestyle for my family (I really couldn't care less if we were in something much smaller as long as the area was good - but it would mean far too many changes for everyone else).

 

Right now I'm feeling like I just want to sell everything. I mean everything - house, cars, etc, and just start again in a different area and with much lower monthly costs so I can swap a hectic lifestyle for something with less stress and less responsibility.

 

I won't of course, because it would affect my family too much. But does anyone else feel the same in the last few years?

 

Sorry, just having a bit of a rant.

[Pete 0]

I think that often, wish I had the balls to do anything about it though.

[Portent 0]

Ah, as long as I'm not alone :) At least the Corradio makes me smile every time I go into the garage.

[daleyboy 0]

Mmm im the opposite have a easy job, no stress, no kids, no mortgage, so you have what i've wanted all my life but it hasn't happened for one reason or another. The grass is always greener, all that means to me is that you swap one load of problems/anxieties for another.

 

I saw a t-shirt online and it sums it up quite well it says "This wasn't the life i ordered"

 

Sounds like you have a hard job, maybe try to remedy that and the rest will fall into place, sounds to me like your doing ok apart from that.

 

Its a sign of the times unfortunately that we work harder for less, i know class 1 HGV driver's who do 12-15 hours a day and they earn circa £35k, there are not many jobs you could do that if you get wrong you could end up in prison.

Edited November 12, 2012 by daleyboy

[Portent 0]

Fair points :)

[Dox 23]

Have this conversation with your family, I'm sure they'd rather have you happy, in good health and see more of you than the current situation?

[joebloggsVR69 0]

I think Reggie Perrin had the right idea :)

[Portent 0]

:D

[daleyboy 0]

I'm in a lucky position

 

Thats all you need to say, and your wife and kids are who you are doing it for, throw in the bonus of having a C and all looks well and good.

[C5 OEM 0]

What job do you do....?

[diarmaid16 1]

Do you enjoy your job?

 

If you're exhausted all the time, irritable and spend long hours at work, that can take it's toll on your family to IMO. And if it's making you ill I would have a serious think about things.

 

I have a three week old son and my wife and I have just bought a new house. I work a nine hour day and I'm still wrecked when I get home to them!

 

You're obviously doing a good job providing for your family and any change you make would mean lots of changes for them when they're probably quite settled.

 

If you think a change would benefit you and your family in the long term then I'd say maybe talk to your wife and think about it. She will only want what's best for you.

 

Anyway, that's my humble opinion!

[C5 OEM 0]

work to live....don`t live to work

[trickyrobo 0]

As someone said the grass is always greener. All I know is that my Wife is very easy going indeed but if I sugested your proposal to her I think although she would not say as much out loud she would be thinking I need to 'grow a pair' and get on with things. It's harsh but true but you are probably like me in a position were its just expected of you now by family and friends. It's good though that you can sense an issue maybe looming so you can maybe make some small changes to help out. Good luck mate, your post sort of struck a cord, lol!

[jamiehamy 0]

As said, work to live.

 

Don't be too proud to make a change. I work hard, but only ever do 9-5 unless there is a project going live. I don't get stressed about work and I don't want to climb the promotion ladder. As a result, I think I have a great wee life (well, I think I do!). I have all my weekends to myself, and every weeknight too. I can take holidays when I want and do. I have old cars and almost no financial burden as a result. I live in a wee flat by the water. I could have a much bigger place, I could have a much newer car, but to what end? The sooner I can be mortgage free, the better, I don't care it's in a 1-bed flat. Plenty room for me, hubby and the cats :)

 

You say start in a different area, have you considered moving up north or away fromt he South East? I'm not just trying to plug Scotland(!), but I always hear people say how much more laid back it is up here. My brother worked for one of the Big4 financial companies and ended up moving to London for 2 years. He loved London, but it's a completely different working environment and he hated that. The tipping point was when he was informally reprimanded for leaving at half 6 one night. He's now back up north.

 

So, either keep on going the way you are, and see how that suits, or make a change. Have you discussed it seriously with your wife? Who knows, she might just agree, in which case you've nothing to lose.

 

But do something, if it's not move, then make a commitment not to work late so often (if you are always doing it, identify why this happens - and plan how to avoid).

 

Procrastination is the worst form of being - it's so unproductive. Do something, anything :)

[craigowl 0]

After 37 years work, including 12 years of shifts of an extremely irregular, unhealthy pattern, we have had some tough times. Mainly due to my health suffering due to the shiftwork. Some completed 40 years of that without a problem. Others are not cut out for it - I wasnt, but didnt find out until my health collapsed. I have been retired for 11 years now, (since I was 57) and latterly decided that the priorities in life for a family man are:

1 - family

2 - your own health

3 - your job

 

One big decision I made (and it was easy) was to make it clear that I did not wish be considered for promotion after I had been working for about 27 years and had moved up two grades (I was on day work by then). My boss said I had the "intellectual ability" in the report (which was nice!) but wrote what my choice was, and I never regretted it. I could see promotion meant more management (which I hated) and felt I was content with my salary - not needing to grasp for more.

 

Maybe even 2 should be top? Without it you may not have 3 and your family will suffer.

 

I know your generation (and our 3 kids) are exposed to a tough world in the workplace despite having a lot more materially than we did. But, unless you are totally blind to it, you should see that material wealth counts for nowt - what we need is spiritual wealth/contentment with less. In the pic, I refer you to one of the happiest periods of my life when we were relatively poor, but as children, did not know it, and had a ball.

Supermarket trollies full of jumbo bags of crisps and 3 litre bottles of pop do not seem to make kids of that age happier than us, I have observed.

 

Good luck - and dont feel you are the only one not to have felt your life was not going the way you had hoped. There are millions of you out there, but resolute philosophising about what is most important to YOU - even if your spouse is one of those who needs a new kitchen or redecorating every couple of years for some sad reason (ignore her - be firm! - I was so lucky, there) - can get you on an even keel again.

[corrado_sunderland 0]

If your selling everything and willing to split,ill put a good offer in for the wife?whats the mileage,car parks dings? :lol:

 

And you just have to be thankful your keeping afloat sadly,life is getting worse and worse and most people up here are on the bread line.But i keep preaching about a revolution because we all work hard and the top half are screwing us over and do people listen naaaa they do not :lol:

pWeve created this modern stressful life through our own greed and stupidity so we gotta deal with it....i wanna retire outside the uk for sure and my future is uncertain at the moment because work keeps up on 6 month contracts.They we to downsize the workforce so in a few years time they might and want to bin the lot of us so if that happens i might sell all my worldy possessions and hit the road travelling,Its crap no knowing if you have a future or not and no been allowed a mortgage etc but to contracting.

Edited November 13, 2012 by corrado_sunderland

[Butterfly 0]

Wise words from craigowl.

 

The western world is very materialistic and marketing/advertising reinforces the myth of what we need to make us happy. That drives us to work longer, take higher grade jobs with more responsibility so we are able to obtain more (expensive, bigger, faster, exclusive) material goods.

[craigowl 0]

"People tend to be promoted to their level of incompetence."

 

Our regional manager - who was a barsteward and had worked in HR before he became RM - used to utter that.

I have to acknowledge that it is quite a thought-provoking, amusing, saying.

 

 

I think corrado_sunderland might be ready for the Mad Max world!

I wanna be on his side! - Hope he's not a pussy in disguise!

Edited November 13, 2012 by craigowl

[Tempest 0]

Difficult times indeed. Even my Dad recently admitted to me that he would not want to swap with my generation in terms of work. Too much stress, too little reward (and by that I do actually mean both spiritual and material/financial, given that in my dad's generation it was quite common that one man could easily provide for the whole family as opposed to today where this is mostly only possible if both partners work; granted, materialistic demands have increased, too).

 

Join the club is what i would say, maybe it makes your position a bit more bearable. I for one also do not enjoy my job, and that's me saying that despite being my own boss. i could fill books with reasons, but what good does that do? Trying to find something that ticks all boxes is nigh on impossible, because some other person will already have your dream job or the job simply does not exist :lol:

 

It is somewhat discouraging. We're all doomed!

 

Or not, if we radically change our perspectives on life (which will be the only way how we can hit out at the filthy rich at the top, too, because if no-one succumbs to the materialistic distractions in life all the time, spends no more money, than those at the top will soon have no more income). That's not going to happen overnight, we've still got it way too good, and of course, just want more and more.

 

Tempest

[corrado_sunderland 0]

I think corrado_sunderland might be ready for the Mad Max world!

I wanna be on his side! - Hope he's not a pussy in disguise!

 

Damn right,thats why i have a 205 now.When the mad max world comes where wil you lot be with your slammed dubs ey,ill tell ya where,getting ya brains chewed by zombies because ya stuck in a pot hole :lol:

[Wendy 0]

I took a year out when I was 28 after which I decided I would never work weekends or excessive hours and have pretty much stuck to it.

I really do my very best in working to live.

Ok, I do not have the responsibilty of others, but also do not have any assistance with paying my way with my house and other such things or back up if everything goes wrong. A risk I take - with eyes wide open.

 

I really believe if you asked your children and partner if they would like to spend more time with you they would say yes.

I also do not believe that your responsibilty is just about providing for them and forgetting yourself in the process.

Frankly you are not much good to them. if you are always at work, tired, irriatable or drop dead through the pressures and stress.

I Think they would prefer to have you alive and without some of the materialism, rather than not here and some life insurance payout.

A touch brutal, (not intentionally to be rude though) but I do believe true.

 

I really would suggest talking to them all as has been said before.

[Portent 0]

Thanks everyone, much appreciated. I will reply to this thread tomorrow but I'm a touch drunk tonight :)

[daleyboy 0]

:)

Edited November 14, 2012 by daleyboy

[joby 0]

Amazing how we all seem to feel the same about our stressful lives and how our generation is so materialistic and we all seem to work stupid amounts of hours just to keep afloat! Something we all take advantage of is our health , but when it fails and you have no back up it can be worrying as i found out earlier this year with a bad back i was totally crippled with pain for over six weeks, and being self employed and in the construction industry had no income at all! Luckily my wife has a good job but she still had to work extra hours to keep things a float and that has caused her extreme stress and she is always tired so your quality of life soon goes down hill,. The media dont help expecting us all to have the most expensive i phone and expensive cars financed up to the hilt and huge expensive houses with massive mortgages! Have you seen the amount of kids walking about with £600 phones, Crazy,

[Kevin Bacon 5]

In the pic, I refer you to one of the happiest periods of my life when we were relatively poor, but as children, did not know it, and had a ball.

 

Ignorance is bliss as they say :D The best memories of my life are also ones of poverty and the lowest paid jobs etc.

 

I was chatting to a mate the other day about our old job at an insurance company and comparing it to where we work now. We were on something silly like £15K in 1997, but it was easily the most rewarding job I've had to date.

Even on that low salary I was able to mortgage a 1 bedroom flat, drive a car (MK2 16V) and go out, have a laugh etc.

 

I personally can't even begin to imagine even existing on such a small amount now, but I know it's possible as my girlfriend has to. And that, imo, is the problem with society today.

 

It seems not many people make the most of, or appreciate what they've got. Instead they constantly strive to keep up with the Jones's , whether they can afford it or not. Every time I see a stupid "essex white" Audi A3 with LED DRLs, it just makes me cringe. Cars like that and the Range Rover Evoque are clear evidence of how materialistic the western world has become.

 

If people were more content and happy with what they had, it's almost a certainty the world wouldn't be in the mess it's in now.

 

And if any woman in my life had a "grow a pair" attitude toward me, after providing for her, she'd be shown the door immediately.