10 Things we hate on the road

[stingman123 0]

Hi Y'all,

 

Got this from the msn site and I bet we manage to encounter most of these over the weekend, it's not my rant as I don't hate all the thins listed, but it does sum up what I feel about the state of things at the mo'

Here goes

 

School-run SUVs

Most often seen driven by a tiny yummy mummy only just able to see over the steering wheel. She sports the latest skinny jeans, blonde hair extensions harvested from a penniless Eastern European teenager, a mobile phone permanently clamped to her ear, enormous sunglasses covering up her look of botoxed boredom and a decaff Mocha Chocalata ya ya in her vice-like grip. She doesn’t exactly park, more blithely abandon her Chelsea tractor outside the school gates, causing a queue of enraged commuters to build up behind it. School-run mum is oblivious to such things as she shoves little Jemimah and Jeremy into the clutches of teacher to allow her a few precious hours wasting the world’s oxygen on lunching, manicuring and coiffuring. Hubby bought her the 4x4 ostensibly for keeping the kids safe but in reality because he felt guilty for numerous affairs so now she wafts from place to place, removing wing mirrors from parked cars, safe in the knowledge that he doesn’t suspect a thing about her dalliance with the personal trainer. Don't let your kids do this on the way to school

 

 

Middle-lane hoggers

You, yes you in your weedy BMW 318i sitting there obstinately in the middle lane. You do know that you’re effectively turning the M1 into a dual carriageway, don’t you? Stop yakking to your Ben Sherman shirted mates on that dreadful cyborg-style growth stuck in your ear and pay attention. You aren’t an extra from Minority Report, you’re a junior pharmaceutical sales rep, hence the lowly Beemer. Stupidly, but it has to be said, inevitably, you chose it for the propeller badge on the front instead of a better equipped, faster, more comfortable Honda, Ford or Vauxhall. Sure, you ticked the 'badge delete' option but you’re not fooling anyone. We can tell from the drinking straw sized exhaust and puny alloys how far down the pecking order you are. Now get out of my way. Get out of the way!

 

 

Caravaners

I admit caravans are an easy target. But sadly, we aren’t allowed to shoot the ghastly things or their owners. Since a cull is out of the question, how about preventing them from breeding to remove their DNA from the gene pool for the sake of the national IQ? Seriously, it’s worth considering when you realise that a top-of-the-range caravan costs around £20k plus at least £30k for an SUV hefty enough to trundle it up and down Britain’s B-roads, followed by a trail of fuming motorists slowly watching their lives ebb away at 35 miles an hour. That’s 50 grand to spend your holidays deliberately not experiencing the wonders of our glorious planet and instead opting to form a fibreglass cul-de-sac in a desolate patch of set-aside with lots of other parochial suburbanites and pee in a chemical toilet for two weeks.

 

White van men

Well where do I start? White Van Man’s reputation is so fearsome that the government recently launched a campaign to improve their driving skills. WVM terrorises the streets of urban Britain striking fear into the hearts of ordinary motorists; removing wing mirrors with a deft touch, either tailgating terrified drivers on dual carriageways or holding them up in the overtaking lane on the motorway, performing seemingly arbitrary manoeuvres with less regard for indicators than a BMW driver. WVM can generally be recognised by the following signs: a copy of the Daily Sport proudly displayed on the dashboard, a hard hat sitting well back over a simian forehead, middle and index fingers of the right hand permanently displayed towards other motorists and the left hand poised over the horn in case any women under the age of 50 should wander past.

 

Chav chariots

OK, could someone please explain the logic behind buying a bog-standard, poverty-spec hatchback and then throwing misshapen lumps of plastic, oversized, ride-destroying alloy wheels, ear-bleedingly loud stereos and exhausts like dustbins at it, not to mention tens of thousands of pounds? Why not just buy a decent car in the first place? At least in America, the pimping scene has some style and panache whereas here, well quite frankly in the case of most cars chosen as donor vehicles, as the saying goes, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. If pressed, owners will say they are expressing their individuality. How? By erm, hanging out with lots of other people in similarly laughable cars and driving very slowly through provincial towns playing nasty UK Garage? Turn the tunes down, grow up and buy yourselves proper cars.

 

Hybrid hypocrites

The Toyota Prius is the choice of the touchy-feely Hollywood star with the big heart and, of course, the even bigger SUV tucked away round the corner. Here, of course, the most glamorous hybrid buyer is Margaret Beckett whose only similarity to Cameron Diaz is the fact that both their names contain letters of the alphabet. Here, hybrids are tainted with their owners’ all-pervading air of smug satisfaction, the self-satisfied smirk and holier-than-thou expression barely concealed by their beards. Hybrids are the automotive equivalent of Fresh & Wild, Fairtrade chocolate and ‘sporty’ sandals – sops to make Guardian readers feel better about sending their kids to private schools and supporting a government that goes to war over oil. The only place hybrids work efficiently is in towns where, quite frankly, if you want to be green you should be using the bus.

 

Salespeople in Minis

As soon as that first big bonus comes in it gets spent on a brand new Mini complete with personalised number plate, the biggest wheels available and probably tinted windows. Salespeople across the country have taken the Mini to their hearts in much the same way as a supermodel-style drug habit, hair-gel, ties with knots the size of fists and Ikea-filled loft apartments. If the original was classless, the new one is decidedly Class-A - it’s a wonder BMW don’t offer it with a mirror set horizontally into the dashboard. Worst of the lot of course are those owned by a much-reviled London estate agent whose fleet of sludge green Minis are covered in vile corporate graffiti and driven by a group of people who shouldn’t even qualify for a TV license, let alone a driving one.

 

Male Meno-Porsches

The wife got a new Aga/swimming pool/breasts and he got the Porsche/TVR/Merc he was never able to afford as a young man about town. Secretly he wanted a Ferrari but couldn’t afford it and knew he’d just look like a Page Three girl’s manager. He imagines that the sporty little number he slips into every day (rather that than his secretary, much to his wife’s relief) helps him recapture his lost youth and basks in the covetous looks from younger men and admiring glances from women young enough to be his daughter. Sadly he’s mistaken and the looks are a mixture of derision and pity. The decision to buy a soft top means he looks like a poseur while giving the world a grandstand look at his paunch and bald spot. His dreams of looking like a silver fox go down like a lead balloon.

 

Young women in hatchbacks

I completely admit that this one is speaking purely from personal experience from years spent horse riding on Britain’s roads. It has to be said that most drivers are kind and courteous, slowing down and giving me plenty of room. The very best are motorcyclists, who appreciating the vulnerability of a rider, will slow to a crawl or even stop. Obviously you get the occasional boy racer who deliberately tries to provoke but the absolute worst are young women in hatchbacks. They are seemingly oblivious to anything else on the roads. How they can fail to register half a ton of horse is beyond me, their concentration is clearly taken up with the essentials of driving on the Queen’s Highway, like applying make-up, arranging the next girlie night out or fiddling with their iPods. So much for female multitasking

 

Moped delivery drivers

I appreciate a pizza or Chinese takeaway as much as the next person but I wish there was a way to get them to my door without the streets being plagued by swarms of moped riders. The word swarm is appropriate since their tiny 50cc machines, constantly wound up to the throttle stops, make a noise akin to a mosquito collective as they weave dangerously in and out of traffic, the square box on the back of the bike ideally placed to take out wing mirrors and sideswipe pedestrians. That of course is when they’re actually delivering something. The rest of the time they can usually be found pulling stoppies and wheelies on the nearest housing estate, adding to the noise nuisance and guaranteeing your food will be cold and an interesting new shape by the time it arrives.

[rolex 0]

:lol:

[chaz g60 0]

speed bumps, pot holes!! and all other traffic!

[Bally 0]

so true...

[Kevin Bacon 5]

Middle-lane hoggers

You, yes you in your weedy BMW 318i sitting there obstinately in the middle lane. You do know that you’re effectively turning the M1 into a dual carriageway, don’t you? Stop yakking to your Ben Sherman shirted mates on that dreadful cyborg-style growth stuck in your ear and pay attention. You aren’t an extra from Minority Report, you’re a junior pharmaceutical sales rep, hence the lowly Beemer. Stupidly, but it has to be said, inevitably, you chose it for the propeller badge on the front instead of a better equipped, faster, more comfortable Honda, Ford or Vauxhall. Sure, you ticked the 'badge delete' option but you’re not fooling anyone. We can tell from the drinking straw sized exhaust and puny alloys how far down the pecking order you are. Now get out of my way. Get out of the way!

 

This should be displayed on the over head signs on Motorways because it is absolutely bang on! :-)

[gradeAfailure 0]

lmao... :lol:

[scarlett 0]

Young women in hatchbacks

I completely admit that this one is speaking purely from personal experience from years spent horse riding on Britain’s roads. It has to be said that most drivers are kind and courteous, slowing down and giving me plenty of room. The very best are motorcyclists, who appreciating the vulnerability of a rider, will slow to a crawl or even stop. Obviously you get the occasional boy racer who deliberately tries to provoke but the absolute worst are young women in hatchbacks. They are seemingly oblivious to anything else on the roads. How they can fail to register half a ton of horse is beyond me, their concentration is clearly taken up with the essentials of driving on the Queen’s Highway, like applying make-up, arranging the next girlie night out or fiddling with their iPods. So much for female multitasking

 

yup - I had one of my horses out for its first encounter with traffic last weekend... all the drivers we met were great, we met buses, lorries, families in people carriers, even had a convoy of motorbikes slow right down and crawl past me making hardly any noise - who was the driver who acted like a tw@t, a bl**dy female blonde thing in a rover 214.... arrrrrrrrrgh.... and its because of these idiots girls my age have a bad name... if you purpously go out and buy a purple Rover cos you like the colour,the seats are big enough to fit your huge ass in and then drive it around like a, you own the road and b, like its not a problem your on the phone/fixing your hair/applying make up/ eating one too many M'cD's then moaning that your ass is huge you should be shot... plain and bl**dy simple....!!! :)

 

don't get me stated on the rest of them.... !!!! :D

[Andy665 0]

BMW 1 Seies

BMW 3 Series Compact

BMW 3 Series

BMW 5 Series

BMW 6 Series

BMW 7 Series

BMW X3

BMW X5

BMW Z4

BMW Mini

[StuartFZR400 0]

I wouldn't say its Salespeople in Minis, its mostly a womens car - so imagine that combined with point 9 = crazy !!

 

scarlet you know why bikers slow down? -- see my Drivers Choices thread... LOL

[Jim 1]

People in offroaders. Full stop.

 

I don't mind if I see a gnarly land rover with not a single straight panel and mud in every concieveble area (ie one that is used for off roading!) .. but a huge shiny stupidly oversized Land Rover V8 squeezing down tiny Leamington roads just boils my blood. Sorry but there is just NO NEED for them.

[scarlett 0]

I wouldn't say its Salespeople in Minis, its mostly a womens car - so imagine that combined with point 9 = crazy !!

 

scarlet you know why bikers slow down? -- see my Drivers Choices thread... LOL

 

 

:lol:

 

hee hee....

[gradeAfailure 0]

People in offroaders. Full stop.

 

I don't mind if I see a gnarly land rover with not a single straight panel and mud in every concieveble area.. but a huge shiny stupidly oversized Land Rover V8 squeezing down tiny Leamington roads just boils my blood. Sorry but there is just NO NEED for them.

 

To be fair, we're thinking of getting a Cherokee sometime in the future, but purely because we'll be towing horseboxes and a 4x4 is almost a necessity...!

[chubbybrown 0]

I like you Stingman 8)

 

I can relate to most of it but

 

The young women in corsas really freak me out

[JMC 0]

Chelsea tractors.....

 

Oh, and people who seem to have lost their indicator stalk (usually it's one of your pet hates Andy665)

[MNuTz 0]

The g/f and I were on our way up to the lake district in her mk4 golf, we passed through a snow storm so bad that the window wipers couldnt take it and clogged up so everyone was doing about 10mph. About 2 miles the other side of the snow storm im following a BMW driver who is sitting in the ouside lane and is obviously taking more notice of his paperwork on the passenger seat than driving.

 

We end up having to slow down and stop due to traffic, Mr BMW decides now would be a good time to read something on the passenger seat so leans over. Due to his attention being elsewhere he fails to notice that the traffic has started to move again. I honked a couple of times, no response, so i just put my hand on the horn, still nothing. Just as i was about to get out of the car he noticed what was happening and moved off!

 

MUPPET!!

 

Just like to point out my missus is a young business woman with a hatchback, very good driver now ive trained her properly :D

[craigowl 0]

What is worse than a builder's white van??

 

I'll tell you. Two or three of the s0ds in convoy on their way home from a distant job during the rush hour!

 

With the macho thing coming into play, in front of their mates, they chase, race, take great risks overtaking in an attempt not to lose face (or their place), and by god are we delighted when they disappear over the horizon in a cloud of over-rich exhaust fumes, with their feet to the floor.

 

Oh. and any Fiat Puntos. (Sheer prejudice on my part. Hoping not to upset any really decent car-knowledgable Punto drivers on here.)

[surfer.vr6 0]

Seeing three patrol cars and six policemen on a bridge above the M5 last week with speed cameras.

and it took two days for them to investgate my brother getting mugged last year.

Great use of resorces

[Claret Badger 0]

ROVER DRIVERS

[wilkes 0]

horses !! always in the flippin way and leave a mess everywhere ,we have to go round slowly even though we pay road tax/etc ,my bro hit a horse a couple of years ago ,in his works van ,6 grand damage to the van and the horse was dead before it hit the ground ,he drives a corsa outside work and would probabley have died in that ,the rider did something that made it bolt ,they still haven't had payment for the van either and t also damaged an audi cab on its way to its new owner ,i like horses but the road is no place for em

[ZippyVR6 0]

I dont know the whole story but my initial reaction from what you have said is this:

 

IF HE HIT THE HORSE FAST ENOUGH TO KILL IT BEFORE IT HIT THE GROUND HE WAS PROBABLY GOING TO BLOODY QUICKLY. HORSES ARE NOT MACHINES THEY HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONALITIES, IT PROBABLY BOLTED BECAUSE THERE WAS A BLOODY GREAT DIESEL ENGINE SCREAMING UP BEHIND IT AND WAS A BIT CONCERNED.

 

WHERE THE HELL ELSE SHOULD THEY GO. AND SEEING AS THEY WERE ON THE ROADS FIRST, HOW DARE YOU.

 

 

Sorry, but comments like that make me mad. Have a little respect on the roads people.

[craigowl 0]

We'll be split on this one.

Many years ago a lovely young girl who worked at my wife's parents' stables (not too far from Wokingham, Zippy) was killed when her horse bolted and crashed into a Land Rover.

The girl was a reasonable horsewoman, but in my opinion that does not help much.

The big animals are really stupid - I was thrown off once when the one I was on took a sudden dive sideways when it caught sight of its own reflection in a roadside puddle. They nearly sh!t themselves, too, when, say, a sparrow flies out of the hedgerow. One little girl at the farm had her spleen ruptured when she fell off onto the road and the pony stood on her. I then concluded that mountaineering was safer - at least you have some control over your destiny.

 

It's what we call freedom, so despite the big mutts having no road sense whatsoever, as well as being much stronger than their riders, we will have to put up with them on our roads for many a year yet.

[wilkes 0]

I dont know the whole story but my initial reaction from what you have said is this:

 

IF HE HIT THE HORSE FAST ENOUGH TO KILL IT BEFORE IT HIT THE GROUND HE WAS PROBABLY GOING TO BLOODY QUICKLY. HORSES ARE NOT MACHINES THEY HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONALITIES, IT PROBABLY BOLTED BECAUSE THERE WAS A BLOODY GREAT DIESEL ENGINE SCREAMING UP BEHIND IT AND WAS A BIT CONCERNED.

 

WHERE THE HELL ELSE SHOULD THEY GO. AND SEEING AS THEY WERE ON THE ROADS FIRST, HOW DARE YOU.

 

 

Sorry, but comments like that make me mad. Have a little respect on the roads people.

I dont know the whole story but my initial reaction from what you have said is this:

 

IF HE HIT THE HORSE FAST ENOUGH TO KILL IT BEFORE IT HIT THE GROUND HE WAS PROBABLY GOING TO BLOODY QUICKLY. HORSES ARE NOT MACHINES THEY HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONALITIES, IT PROBABLY BOLTED BECAUSE THERE WAS A BLOODY GREAT DIESEL ENGINE SCREAMING UP BEHIND IT AND WAS A BIT CONCERNED.

 

WHERE THE HELL ELSE SHOULD THEY GO. AND SEEING AS THEY WERE ON THE ROADS FIRST, HOW DARE YOU.

 

 

Sorry, but comments like that make me mad. Have a little respect on the roads people.

 

 

thats right mate you dont know the whole story ,still feel obliged to rant though !! the horse was in a field it ran through a gap in the hedge (that the owner hadn't fixed)after throwing her from its back, basically came at an angle ,and as a result couldn't be seen right until it unavoidable ,my brother was going at the speed limit ,no questions ,witnesses said it ,police said it ,van was brand new (hence why it wasn't wrote off) the horse died quickly because it snapped its neck . where do i think horses should go? ,fields ,tarmac'd roads are for cars ,we pay for em they pay for fields ,my bro isn't some boy racer ,screaming around in a sh1t smoking rattly van ,he's a mature driver in a new van wth a clean license ,who was deeply grieved at the images of that day,horses are beutiful majestic creatures and if they get spooked b rattling vans then the roads aren't the place for them ,maybe 100 years ago but not now ,

[ZippyVR6 0]

Ok, like I said that was my initial reaction. so it was a freak accident. I apologise for the slur on your brothers character and I feel for him, as it must have been terrible but my opinion is the same, People believe that cars have sole right to the roads. and they dont. just because we pay for upkeep of the roads (dont get me started on that) we do not have sole priority. cars damage road surfaces most and are a good revenue earner so they are taxed. but horses, walkers, cyclists joggers and little fu$kwitts on scooters all have the same right to use the road.

 

You cant just leave a horse in a field and feed it the occasional polo. horses need exercise just like you (and occasionally me) They have to go somewhere and with the ever increasing population in the country the roads are becoming more busy. horse owners are all to aware of the dangers of the road and the vast majority will stay well clear of the roads as much as possible because they are just too bloody dangerous but it is impossible to keep off the roads completely so many rides have some roadwork involved.

 

Just about everyone who has ridden a horse on the road will know of or experienced first hand the fear of a car looming down on you, as has been said before the animals are not the cleverest of gods creatures and can react unexpectedly when spooked.

 

I am not a goody goody on the roads but I do slow down for horses. part as for respect to their position on the road, part to get a good view of some fine filly up onto, and part because I have seen what nasty damage a horse can do to a car that gets to close.

 

I think this is even more relevant now than 20 years ago. the pace of life has increased, there are more cars on the road and people have a "me first" philosophy which shows arrogance and contempt to others. Roads are not racetracks, we like to enjoy our hobby, why not let others enjoy theirs too.

[wilkes 0]

i know what your saying and i think the problems mainly with the owner/rider than the horse itself ,i have a friend who was (by his own admission speeding) up a dual carriae way at dusk and nearly hit a horse ,beacause they had no reflective clothing ,now he shouldn't be speeding but that owner shouldn't be on a dual carriage way ,i suppose when your sat in traffic cos theres a horse going down the street its easy to get annoyed , and as you said it will only get worse ,my bro got seriosly upset ,they had to pick the body up with a jcb ,and he said he had to look away ,still bothers him today !!

 

i know at times they have to use the roads ,but surely a field is big enough to get exercise ,if not then why keep em there ?

 

my concern is safety ,it sn't safe for them or us ,when they shit all over the roads they dont clear it up ,theres the fear of it bolting over daft things etc ,,,

 

mind you its got to be safer than drivig a lowered car round by me !!

[chubbybrown 0]

This lil fu$kwitt rides a scooter and pays bike tax and insurance on it

DO you mean kiddy scooters or big scooters like mine ?

I drive Trucks cars and bikes

and always give good consideration to anything on the road as regardless of what Im driving I use my size buy Never push my weight about.