ziderapple 0 Posted February 14, 2011 The wife said she's not wanting much for Valentine's Day. She said, "Just some chocolates and a few little surprises will do me." Kinder Eggs it is then. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted February 25, 2011 Just got overtaken by a bloke in an AA van. He was talking to himself and crying. I thought to myself, he's heading for a breakdown. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted February 25, 2011 Husband watching tv when fat wife comes into him and says, 'I just fell down the stairs, didn't you hear me'?. Husband says, 'Sorry luv, i thought it was the start of Eastenders'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dude 0 Posted February 25, 2011 What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs? Grassy-arse. (or Torres lol) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted February 26, 2011 My wife has worked as a magician`s assistant for years now ! I think she has picked up a few tricks , I came home from work early today,and she was in the bedroom,ABRACADABRA she said, and out of the wardrobe comes my mate Dave,stark naked ! Poor bar$tard must have wondered what the hell was going on ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted February 28, 2011 The wife says to me, You only want sex when your pi$$ed, That's not right says I, Sometimes I want a kebab Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted February 28, 2011 i was in the urinal next to midget the other day. as soon as i got my cock out and started pi$$ing, i noticed him winking at me! at first i thought i would leave it, but then i saw him do it again! i turned my back slightly and carried on, i looked back and the little ba$tard was still winking at me! id had enough now so said "excuse me mate, do you fancy me or what?" to which he replied "NO, you're splashing me in the eye!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted February 28, 2011 my daughter has reached the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. just this morning she asked "is that the best you can do?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted February 28, 2011 a woman stopped me outside boots and asked me what grooming products i use. should of seen the look on her face when i replied haribo sweets, facebook and puppies! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted February 28, 2011 sorry in advance. i picked my daughter and her asian friend up from there ballet class. my daughter asked me what she looked like, "beautiful, you look like a pretty water lilly" "what about me?" her asian friend said. "well....." i said "you know when youre wiping your ar$e and your finger pokes through the paper, you look a bit like that" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted February 28, 2011 I can't afford alcohol anymore, so I've started drinking brake fluid ! My friends are worried I will get addicted ! But I know I can stop anytime I want to. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psiburr 0 Posted February 28, 2011 (edited) told my psychiatrist I felt like I was a teepee and a wigwam. he said "youre too tense" Edited March 1, 2011 by psiburr Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted February 28, 2011 my wife says i need to be more of a gentleman. so i decided to practise this at work, but it seems you just cant win. i was holding the door open for one of the ladies, cheeky bitch said "will you f*ck off, im trying to have a $hit" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted February 28, 2011 i thought my wife was having an affair, so i confronted her about it. She broke down in tears and admitted that she was with my mate mohammed. i beat the $hit out of her. thats the last time she'll accuse me of having a mate called mohammed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted March 2, 2011 HI, Jokes are great and should be appreciated but some jokes are beyond the morality limits... Should be prohibited....... Anyway thanks to all who have participated here.... I don't get it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rado-steve 0 Posted March 2, 2011 HI, Jokes are great and should be appreciated but some jokes are beyond the morality limits... Should be prohibited....... Anyway thanks to all who have participated here.... Think you need to find you're funny bone dude lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dukest 0 Posted March 2, 2011 I don't get it? his other posts seem similarly strange... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted March 2, 2011 Do you smell spam? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted March 2, 2011 Ah yes - a google of his explicit email address gives one result - http://www.stopforumspam.com Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted March 2, 2011 The mrs has just come into the living room wearing a little pvc number, fishnets and high heels, has handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me 'what she does best'. I cant wait. I fvckin love Sheperd's pie! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
farrantino 0 Posted March 2, 2011 little johnny got kicked out of class today!! the teacher asked him "if i gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Katie, £5 to jane and £5 to joanna, what would you have?" Apparentley "three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab" was the wrong answer.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted March 2, 2011 Woke up this morning and found a note, written and signed by me: 'You've got Altheimers, you idiot!' Don't remember writing that..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted March 2, 2011 I came home from work early one night to find my wife and my best mate,sweaty and breathless in the living room.I said "What`s going on ?" My wife said "Erm...We`ve been playing on the Wii Fit. " She winked at my mate and said, "Dave did VERY well." As i walked out of the room,i heard them giggling and calling me a "dickhead ",but i had the last laugh ! I checked the next day,and none of the scores had even registered ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peebee 0 Posted March 2, 2011 2 penises walking past a gay bar, 1 said to the other, "fancy going to get sh!t faced?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted March 10, 2011 Imagine being the the Libian leaders bodyguard. If someone took a shot at him,you would have to shout -- GADAFFI, DUCK !! i`ll get my coat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
