Mr Sands 0 Posted May 2, 2011 I was surprised that someone's taken the bin out on a Bank Holiday. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 3, 2011 Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means four" "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." "You can't pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. "You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law." The Englishmen reply angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over, we want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 8, 2011 Lesbians shouldn't be allowed dildo's They made their choice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted May 8, 2011 Apparently Bin Laden had a twenty five million dollar price tag on his head ! What kind of ridiculous designer turban was he wearing ? ---------- Post added at 07:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:08 PM ---------- Guy goes into a bar and orders a "Bin Laden" Whats that then says the bartender ? Two shots and a splash of salt water . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 10, 2011 I hope that Al Qaeda don't monitor this site looking for ideas on where to launch their retaliation bombings otherwise they would be reminded that the Eurovision Song Contest featuring Blue & Jedward is on in Dusseldorf this Saturday from 21:00 (Tickets still available on-line). Sky news: Donkey found dead in forest. I guess Shrek could only take so much. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted May 14, 2011 Why are parking spaces like girls at parties? If you get there late all the best ones are taken, so when no ones looking you stick it in the disabled one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted May 14, 2011 Turns out asking a Bulgarian if he wants head in a supermarket isn't the brightest idea..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 14, 2011 BBC News: "Tenerife: British woman beheaded in Canaries attack" Jesus, how many were there? They're only small. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 14, 2011 951985 The US has released a list of the Porn found in Osama's house 1 - Ramadan her throat 2 - Jihad a good time 3 - Martyrs of ass destruction 4 - Hide in my cave 5 - Twang my tali-banjo string 6 - Al show you my Qaeda 7 - Get it allah inside her 8 - Burqa Bitches 14: All Allah, All Anal Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted May 20, 2011 Why don't Owls make love in the rain? Cause it's too wet to woo. The Grim Reaper came for me last night,managed to fight him off with my vacuum cleaner ! Talk about Dyson with death Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 20, 2011 I got sacked from my job today for trying to put the "wheres wally" books next to Kate Mccann's new book Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted May 20, 2011 i spent 15 minutes filling the dishwasher today. or "making love" as she prefers to call it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 22, 2011 Time zones f**king up the world's end since the late 19th century. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted May 24, 2011 It’s a bit early for Iceland volcano jokes. We should wait awhile for the dust to settle. I came out my house yesterday and was hit on the head by a bag of frozen sausages, a chocolate gateau and some fish fingers. I realised it must be the fallout from Iceland. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted May 24, 2011 I was sexy dancing in front of a bird I was trying to pull in a club, I could see she was giving me the eye as I bust out some of my best moves. Eventually she came over, she whispered, "Thanks to you my knickers are dripping wet." I said, "Oh really." As I threw in a few more moves. She said, "Yeah, me and my mates have just been p$ssing ourselves watching you dance." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted June 2, 2011 me and five of my mates all went to a brothel, we all threw £50 in to a hat and said the winner would be whoever could go the longest without cumming. i came in a respectable second which put me in last place. ---------- Post added at 07:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:56 PM ---------- just seen a facebook group: 'mom! im wearing skinny jeans! seriously, if i cant get them off neither can a rapist' challenge accepted! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted June 2, 2011 most probably, we had a pretty quiet day at work so plenty of texts going round the lads Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted June 2, 2011 HAha, probably one of the best and worst websites out there. Plus you can all ways tell whats going on in the world by the jokes on there :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SIMONG 0 Posted June 2, 2011 whats a lesbians coffin made out of??? tounge and groove! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted June 4, 2011 I was in Tesco's today, I saw a a pack of sausages with Jamie Olivers face on the front. On the back it said prick with fork ! . . I admire their honesty ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted June 5, 2011 The Spice Girls: "If you wanna be my lover, you've gotta get with my friends." In my experience - counter productive. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted June 5, 2011 I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection...but she did. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Fcuk me, talk about Dyson with death. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted June 8, 2011 I like my women like I like my turtles. Teenage, mutated and helpless on their back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
