Family Rant

[Andy665 0]

I have always had a sticky relationship with my dads partner, even though they were together for 21 years she always seemed to resent the fact that we were so close.

 

In recent years we seemed to be getting on OK and when dad was diagnosed with his brain tumour in September we seemed to get closer, I certainly pulled out all the stops to be as supportive and understanding as possible.

 

I feared the worst when he died, I was not consulted about the funeral arrangements, simply told the time and the place, I didn't make a fuss as I hate conflict.

 

Last night I called her to see how she was and I decided the time was right to raise the subject of the will, I knew he'd made one - beginning to wish I hadn't bothered now.

 

I was accused of being totally mercenary and told not to worry, it had all been sorted, she'd been left everything. She said there was no way I can look at the will as she is the executor and she decides who can and can't see it.

 

Out of the goodness of her heart she said she will send me a cheque for £100 from his (now transferred to her name) bank account and after Christmas I can go round there and pick one of two momentos out of his Jaguar model car and book collection.

 

My dad had previously told me that the house would be transferred to her when he died but her will would then leave the house to myself and her daughter - seems strange that when she picked up my dads will from the family solicitors she also took her own will out as well (!!!!)

 

Being so totally excluded from everything has left me feeling totally shellshocked - its not the will (although it does seem a bit dodgy), its the blatant disregard that I may have at the very least liked to have been kept up to speed on what was happening.

 

Wife is telling me to meet her head on and stand my ground, I'm thinking of telling her to keep the lot, I've got 39 fantastic years of memories that she can't take from me

[bcstudent 0]

I'd say she's hiding something. Is there no way you can see the will? I'm not up to speed with the legal matters.

[vr6storm 0]

speak to a Lawyer is probably the best advice I can give you,as for the transfer of the house to your Dad's partner unless its part of his will stating that this is only on the understanding that it then is bequeathed to you and her daughter on her death then by the sounds of it,you will have more grief to go thru

[CrazyDave 0]

Hi Andy,

Pretty nasty situation that.... like you say, maybe best to stick with the memories, but I can see that it would seem a bit unfinished for you.

 

The cheque thing is pretty insulting though, made me mad just reading it.

 

Give it a bit of time and careful thought at this point maybe...

 

Dave

[G60Jet 1]

hate to say it mate..but get in there all guns blazing...hit her with everything you can as quick as you can. contact your farthers solicitor. sounds well suspect to me. at the end of the day you have everything to gain and nothing to loose. its a nasty one. but if shes not letting you see the will...why? whats the motive for that? the accounts should be frozen for probaite

[bristolbaron 10]

that sounds sh!t mate. again, i dont know what you can legally do about it, but considering all you did to help your dad, this seems totally unreasonable. definatly contact the solicitors and see what they say. it seems like theres gonna be no relationship between you now, so you have nothing to loose.

 

Am i right in thinking you have kids? only concern id have is if the kids want to stay in touch with their gran/aunt. i dont believe how ever bad your relationship that they should be stopped from seeing them if they want to.

 

hope it all gets sorted, but well worth putting up a fight if you feel up to it.

 

good luck bud.

[Andy665 0]

Fortunately we don't have kids that could get dragged into things. I spoke to the solicitors this afternoon and they were pretty clear - "Your dads partner picked up the wills - its now got nothing to do with us"

 

My dad was walked over all of his life and if he was in this position he'd not fight it, he'd just accept it, smile and walk away - do I follow my dads example and take the moral high ground and rise above it or fight for what my dad (may) have left may in his will

 

Moral dilemma, remember I hate conflict

[G60Jet 1]

were they married... if not then you are the legal executor of the will surely.. with if you have any, your siblings. search the net....common in-law marrages are not worth anything in the eyes of the law. it a common urbun myth that if you live under the same roof blah blah blah get proper legal advice. you should be able to get a copy of the will. thats what probate is for...so anyone can claim on the estate.

[Andy665 0]

Solicitor was totally adamant - "Your fathers partner arrived with the death certificate, we gave her his will - nothing more to do with us"

 

Looks like a trip to a solicitor is called for

[Yandards 0]

Just what you don't need after all you have been recently Andy.

 

Whilst I appreciate you don't like the idea of conflict, you need to decide if you can live the rest of your life not knowing if your Dad's wishes have been kept to.

 

I do find it hard to believe that your father, whom knew you have his passion for motoring, didn't leave his collection of automotive memorobilia to you.

 

As for the legal side again I don't know for definite, but there are mechanisms for contesting wills and I am confident there will be little effort required to at least see the contents of your Dad's will, and the resulting peace of mind from that.

 

Hope you get it sorted soon.

[double-6s 0]

I think the moral high ground in this instance is to pursue the matter mate.

 

Hope you're bearing up by the way mate :)

[Tempest 0]

Solicitor was totally adamant - "Your fathers partner arrived with the death certificate, we gave her his will - nothing more to do with us"

 

That almost sounds as if those solicitors themselves have made a mistake and realised it (possibly because your Dad's partner is good at intimidating people, don't know, just a guess), but now can't own up to it without losing face big time. Personally I'd seek legal advice from your trusted (if there is such a thing with solicitors :lol:) solicitor. The whole thing sounds extremely dodgy to me.

 

Your Dad might turn in his grave if he knew what's happening here.

 

Tempest

[rado-steve 0]

if your dad and partner were not married than YOU are the next of kin, you have a legal right to see the will, get your solicitor on the case and I'm sure it will be sorted shortly!

 

Think Tempest is right about the solicitors fooking up like!

[Wendy 0]

I had just spent 20 minutes posting a reply here - for it again to get lost !!!!!

 

So the brief version!

 

Andy - sorry to hear you are going through this.

 

I often go for Gut Reaction on these things.

 

In reading the messages on here, I believe you have already decided to follow your Dad's lead.

 

Remember money and material pocessions will not bring your Dad back or make his wife a nicer person.

 

Consider writing the Pro's and Con's of each - it may help you decide.

 

Seek Professional assistance - the first 20 minutes with a Solicitor should be free - maybe just enough to help.

 

On your comments so far - should you decide to contest his will - you are going to have a fight on your hands.

 

What would your Dad advise ?

 

Are you considering contesting this because you are angry with your Dad for dying and for being with such a nasty heartless woman ?

 

Also consider Breavement Counselling - they are there to help and have the knowledge and experience in this. Not forgetting whatever you decide they will help you get to a a position of peace and reconcilation with this.

 

I would go and collect ALL of you father's Car Collection plus other sentimental items not forgetting personal photographs and tell her to Shove the £100.

 

I know I have only raised further questions, queries and doubts - but hopefully these will help you.

 

Good luck whatever your decision

 

Wendy

[rado-steve 0]

 

Are you considering contesting this because you are angry with your Dad for dying and for being with such a nasty heartless woman ?

 

 

 

Don't think he's wanting to contest the will, just thinks the Partner is hiding the real truth of what the will says....

[Wendy 0]

Yes I agree, but possibly could be both.

[mattosmond 0]

 

Are you considering contesting this because you are angry with your Dad for dying and for being with such a nasty heartless woman ?

 

 

 

Don't think he's wanting to contest the will, just thinks the Partner is hiding the real truth of what the will says....

 

i don't think that has anything to do with it really....

if your dad has passed away you should have the right to see the will, not necessarily for the monetry value. But to see what is really going on!!! What if his dad has left money to a charity or other person and this woman is trying to stop it all in greed (i am not implying she is, but some people turn into green eyed monsters when it comes to wills!!!).....

And mainly just to put his mind at rest!

 

I hope you get it sorted soon mate....

 

Matt

[dr_mat 0]

One point - your will can't dictate what happens to your money when the people you will it to dies. Once you've willed something to someone you can only make polite suggestions about what they do with it in their will. Unfortunately if his will gives everything to her, there's not one jot you can do about it unless you can prove he signed it under duress, which might be tricky ..

 

You can't force people to be decent about stuff. They just have to feel that they should do the right thing in the first place.

[Jim 1]

It astounds me how evil some people can be with the hearts of other people. I can only echo the sentiments of everyone else around here and suggest you get in there follow every possible legal channel you can as that just does not sound right at all.

 

Insanity and good luck Andy. I can't believe she is putting you through this.

[Toad 0]

Sorry to hear things have turned out like this mate. Unfortunately deaths and wills bring out thevery worst in some people, and it sounds like this has happened in this case. After experiencing a close family member acting as executer for a neighbours estate, I'd not like to be involved in the future.

 

Within hours of the neighbour dying we had to literally concrete gates in and baricade the entrances to his farm. As soon as people heard of his death the vultures started to circle... I couldn't believe the number of people who came up with bizzare requests and statements, nor how downright dishonest they were.

 

One thing I learnt was that it takes the best part of a year to sort things out, especially if things hadn't been tied up exactly. Soliciters make mistakes, and lots of them.... Question them further, but if they have handed over THE will, then you'll have to get it from your fathers partner. You will need to be careful here as there is nothing to stop her from destroying the only copy of the will, if she is devious and needs to hide things.

 

I hope that she mellows out in the coming weeks and things don't have to get any more unpleasant for you.

 

Good luck whatever path you take...

 

Tom

[double-6s 0]

At the risk of offending some people, I don't really think its about 'what you Dad would have wanted' mate.

 

It's all about you now Andy. I think you should do whatever YOU think is right

[Dub_nut_g60 0]

Sorry to hear this Andy.

 

I agree with alot of the guys here, first port of call should be a solicitor to get some advice as to where you stand when it comes to having sight of the will.

 

Assuming you are entitled to, then you should at least see the will, that way you can see that your dads wishes have been kept as far as his estate is concerned.

 

 

Double-6s does have a point, It's all about you now Andy. I think you should do whatever YOU think is right. - if YOU feel that you woudl be best off following your dads lead, then thats what you should do.

[mattnorgrove 0]

Really sorry to hear this mate, it really is the last thing you need right now.

 

You MUST seek representation, even if is only to settle your mind about the actual contents of the will.

 

Your Fathers partner will be shooting herself in the foot if she does try to destroy the will so you cant read it, as she will have no legal evicence of the contents therein.

 

Importantly, if your Dad wasnt married to his partner, then this changes the whole situation.

 

Best wishes anyway. I hope its resolved soon....

[Andy665 0]

Sorry to resurrect a long dead post but I'd appreciate some honest opinions about recent developments.

 

After much deliberation I recently wrote to my dads partner requesting (very politely) a copy of my dads will, three days later I received said copy of will with nothing attached to it in terms of a note from her. I don't understand the will but will seek advice from a solicitor about it.

 

This morning I received a letter from her that was little more than a very bitter character assination of myself, ranting on about how I didn't really care about him and the close bond that I had with my dad was a figment of my imagination etc etc.

 

I'm naturally a very placid, laid back person who will do nything to avoid conflict but this has both upset me and angered me like nothing before, I can now do one of two things:

 

1. Ignore it as the rantings of a very bitter, twisted person and just take the moral high ground

 

2. Respond with some very hurtful (but absolutely true) statements that will potentially really upset her

 

The "normal" me is telling me to do nothing but there is a part of me that wants her to feel some of the pain that she inflicted on my dad in his last couple of years and has tried to inflict on me with her attitude and behaviour towards me since his death. Part of me wants me to tell her things that my dad told me he wanted to say to her but was too frightened to because of how she would react. I have no doubt in my mind that she subjected him to a degree of mental cruelty during the last few years of his life that led to him suffering a nervous breakdown whilst she was on holiday in Thailand with her daughter and son-in-law. She told him she was going on holiday the night before she went.

 

Any thoughts gratefully received

[joby 0]

Sorry to hear this story Andy, You seem like a decent guy, You bought the BBS split rims of me if you can remember! I think sometimes you just have to say what you feel instead of keeping it under your hat! Tell this woman what your Dad told you and get it out of your system once and for all, You Will feel better im sure then you will be able to concentrate on your own family and try and put this behind you,hope things turn out ok for you mate! Good luck...