Swompy 0 Posted March 14, 2011 I don't know why the Japanese are so upset, they will be able to host a cracking few series of Scrapheap Challenge... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted March 14, 2011 its said that dogs can sense an earthquake before it hits. unfortunately the japs eat them all. ---------- Post added at 09:08 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 AM ---------- Rescuers in japan have called for the help of george michael, elton john and graham norton. they are needed to help search through the rubble for injured victims. hopes are placed very high on them as they are experts at seeing japs eyes covered in $hit! ---------- Post added at 09:10 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:08 AM ---------- why is the part of a woman between her hips and her breasts called a waist? beacause they could have easily fitted another pair of tits there. ---------- Post added at 09:13 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:10 AM ---------- when my girlfriend was pregnant she kept saying she "had one in the oven" i never really understood what she meaint, until it came out black. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dude 0 Posted March 14, 2011 Not really in good taste to be posting jokes about Japan lads... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted March 14, 2011 Not really in good taste to be posting jokes about Japan lads... That is true, but in my defense Ive used the tamest joke there was, Ive hurd alot worst all ready Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) Dear Japan, It's a bit of a bar$tard when something sneaks up on you without any warning eh ? Love all the lads from Pearl Harbour Edited March 14, 2011 by dragon green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ziderapple 0 Posted March 26, 2011 My wife started getting dirty phone calls two weeks ago and she's worried her stalker found out her home address. He must have - the calls have stopped. A man rushes into his house and yells at his wife 'Brenda, pack ya things. I've just won the lottery,' Brenda replies, 'shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' 'I don't care,' says the man, 'just as long as you're out of the house by noon' Male/Female Definitions 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female.... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male.... A device for scanning through all 999 channels every 5 minutes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peebee 0 Posted March 26, 2011 Old Chinese proverb, man who mistakes laxative with viagra, sh!t in bed! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted March 26, 2011 A day from the diary of a BMW driver... "The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn. Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car. Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me! ---------- Post added at 10:46 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:02 AM ---------- Got young children? When the wife takes them to a supermarket, tell them that no matter how fast they run at it, automatic doors will always open in time... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marshall936 0 Posted March 26, 2011 Why did the japanese kid drop his ice cream? Because he was hit with a building... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dude 0 Posted March 26, 2011 Why did the japanese kid drop his ice cream? Because he was hit with a building... You sick f*ck. That's not funny at all. :( Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marshall936 0 Posted March 26, 2011 It's only a joke pal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted March 26, 2011 Statistically, six out of seven dwarves are not happy !! I walked into a Clairvoyants today, She said,"Brothels next door" ................She`s good ! ---------- Post added at 05:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:29 PM ---------- I start a new job in Seoul next week, I thought it was a good Korea move ! Just heard there`s been an explosion at a pie factory in Huddersfield !! 3.1415927 dead Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The_Dude 0 Posted March 27, 2011 It's only a joke pal. That's the thing tho mate, its just not funny. Its not as if its a well constructed bit of satire to help us deal with tragedy thru humour, all it is a nasty punchline which is no way connected to the feed line. Anyway, that's just my opinion. Probably most on here will think I'm overreacting, but I think that vindictive humour based on thousands of people dying is a bit too much. If it was London or your hometown and people you knew were involved, would you still be making the joke? :shrug: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marshall936 0 Posted March 27, 2011 Massive overeaction, I'm sympathetic with the japs or anyone else who suffers for that matter, it is a joke and therefore shouldn't be taken seriously, I laughed at the Diana jokes when they came out and I'm English so its not double standards either. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eddy.h 0 Posted March 27, 2011 A man says to hes wife what would you do if i won the lottery? she replies i'd take half & leave you . Excellent he says i've got 3 numbers & won a tenner. Heres a fiver now fcuk off! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted March 27, 2011 Instead of taking my liquid Viagra last night,i accidently took Tippex ! Woke up with a massive correction !! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eddy.h 0 Posted March 27, 2011 alright mate bad news police are onto us there looking for a sexy motherfcuker + a retard they've got me so put ur tongue in grad ur crayons & run like fcuk! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted March 27, 2011 What's the definition of making love? Its what a women does while a man's nailing her.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 4 Posted March 27, 2011 Are you suffering from Schizophrenia ? Youre not alone ! Stood up my blind date last night ! Bet she didnt see that coming. I am so embarrassed,i got a letter from Screwfix, Apparently they`re not a dating agency ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sexybourbon 0 Posted March 27, 2011 Whos the nicest guy in the hospital ?? The ultrasound guy !! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Fanjita 1 Posted March 27, 2011 alright mate bad news police are onto us there looking for a sexy motherfcuker + a retard they've got me so put ur tongue in grad ur crayons & run like fcuk! I thought this was the 'Joke Thread'? Oh and Marshall, I have seen some hilarious Japan jokes recently, and I will just say the one you posted up was terrible. As was said by The_Dude, if you want to make a joke about disasters, make it a funny one, yours was just awful and I would say disrespectful too. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swiftkid 1 Posted March 27, 2011 Whos the nicest guy in the hospital ?? The ultrasound guy !! And if he's not around its the hip replacement Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sexybourbon 0 Posted March 27, 2011 And if he's not around its the hip replacement Ahhhhh i dint think that could be beat but u proved me wrong mate quality **** jokes haha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted March 27, 2011 christ girls, there only bloody jokes. never going to please everyone. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marshall936 0 Posted March 27, 2011 ^^^Someone with sense!! Hooray!! :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
