Supercharged 2 Posted March 27, 2011 How do you catch a bra? wait for it.... Set a boobie trap! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mimjed 0 Posted March 27, 2011 How do you catch a bra? wait for it.... Set a boobie trap! brilliant :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
corrado_sunderland 0 Posted March 28, 2011 my life... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pat_McCrotch 0 Posted March 28, 2011 I woke up this morning and the wife had left a blob of blu tack on the bedside table. I didn't know what to make of it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted March 28, 2011 Man I'm tired... Stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted March 28, 2011 It took me 3 hours to descale the kettle, I won't climb that again in a hurry ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted March 29, 2011 The steering rack is knackered on my car. The garage said the gear wheel is missing but that's just a matter of a pinion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
psiburr 0 Posted March 30, 2011 Dustman knocks at the door and a Chinese man answers: Dustman says " where's your bin? " Chinese man says " I bin washin my hands. " Dustman says " No, where's your dust bin ? " Chinese man says " I told you, I dust bin washin my hands. " Dustman says " No... Where's your wheelie bin ? " Chinese man looks down at the floor and says " ok, I wheelie bin havin a w4nk " Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted March 31, 2011 Why did the girl fall off her bike?? Because someone threw a fridge at her When hitler lost the war, he did nazi that coming!? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marshall936 0 Posted April 4, 2011 Why did the girl fall off her bike?? Because someone threw a fridge at her When hitler lost the war, he did nazi that coming!? :D:D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted April 7, 2011 Helped a guy who couldn't walk back to the matrimonial home once. Wife came to door and he muttered 'I think I'm drunk.' She said, 'I can see that. Where the **** is your wheelchair?' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Supercharged 2 Posted April 7, 2011 Why can't Stevie Wonder read? ...becuase he's black Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pumbaa 0 Posted April 7, 2011 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Have you seen Stevie Wonders wife? No, neither has he. Why does Stevie Wonder sway when he plays the piano? He's trying to find the mike. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peebee 0 Posted April 7, 2011 Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Have you seen Stevie Wonders wife? No, neither has he. Why does Stevie Wonder sway when he plays the piano? He's trying to find the mike. Waaaaahahahahaha!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted April 11, 2011 AltGr For when the Alt key isn't angry enough for you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted April 13, 2011 A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time..... I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a train. He was chuffed to bits. I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over. A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said.... 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.' My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B*ll*cks to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. Went around to a friends house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.... I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead. I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it! Husband says to wife 'My Olympic condoms have arrived - I think I'll wear gold tonight'. Wife says, 'Why don't you wear silver and come second for a change'. The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ben_wooduk 0 Posted April 14, 2011 WHY MEN SHOULDN'T BE AGONY AUNTS! Dear Jim, I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start. I walked back to our home to find my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter, They announced that the affair had been going on for two years and that they were deeply in love. Can you help me I'm desperate!? Dear Reader, The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines, if this is not the cause its usually the Alternator. Hope my advice helps Jim.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alex_G60_Fanatic 0 Posted April 14, 2011 God said unto Peter... "Come Forth and you shall win eternal Glory!" Peter came fifth and won a toaster.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted April 22, 2011 And you thought you had a schitty job ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted April 22, 2011 *Joke for the gamers out there* you think you have bad lag it took jesus 3 days to respawn Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wullie 1 Posted April 23, 2011 Dear Abby, I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive. Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her mobile phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Corrado next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, that I noticed that the gap between the tyre and wheel arch was less than I remembered. Could this be the top mounts on the way out? What is the best way to check and does anyone have part numbers. Thanks, Wullie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Swompy 0 Posted May 2, 2011 World Hide & Seek Championship results are in.... Bronze: Anne Frank. Silver: Osama Bin Laden, Gold: Madeleine McCann Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ziderapple 0 Posted May 2, 2011 I bet Osama Bin Laden regrets putting his address on the PlayStation network now.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted May 2, 2011 BREAKING NEWS ......... Elton John to record tribute song - "Sandals in the Bin" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
