dragon green 5 Posted August 10, 2012 Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They managed to bag six. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. & said Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, Any idea where we are? Mick replied, ;I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted August 14, 2012 The French would'nt let it lie,Bradley Wiggins has been stripped of his Tour De France title after testing positive for four substances banned in France :- Soap, toothpaste, mouthwash & deoderant ... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted August 14, 2012 "Corsa, putting the fun back into driving." I think I'll pass, not sure 'Drifunving' really does it for me....... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted August 15, 2012 Stephen Hawking has been banned from the Paralympics. He tested positive for solenoids. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted August 17, 2012 A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her f*c*i*g appendix out!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted August 22, 2012 Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador" . "Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted August 23, 2012 Prince Harry's father is said to have laughed off the naked photos that have been leaked to the media, saying boys will be boys. However Prince Charles is said to be livid. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted August 24, 2012 Took the wife out for dinner last night & I was just about to order the steak when she said, "Why don't you try something you haven't had for a long time?" So I asked the waitress for some sex. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin Bacon 5 Posted August 24, 2012 The French would'nt let it lie,Bradley Wiggins has been stripped of his Tour De France title after testing positive for four substances banned in France :- Soap, toothpaste, mouthwash & deoderant ... :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted September 2, 2012 Just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman, He was wearing a cat flap !! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted September 6, 2012 I have a little Satnav It sits there in my car A Satnav is a driver's friend It tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav I've had it all my life It’s better than the normal one My Satnav is my wife. It gives me full instructions Especially how to drive It's thirty miles an hour, it says You're doing thirty five It tells me when to stop and start And when to use the brake And tells me that it's never ever Safe to overtake. It tells me when a light is red And when it goes to green It seems to know instinctively Just when to intervene. It lists the vehicles just in front And all those to the rear And taking this into account It specifies my gear. I'm sure no other driver Has so helpful a device For when we leave and lock the car It still gives its advice. It fills me up with counselling Each journey's pretty fraught So why don't I exchange it And get a quieter sort? Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, Makes sure I'm properly fed, It washes all my shirts and things And - keeps me warm in bed! Despite all these advantages And my tendency to scoff, I do wish that once in a while I could turn the damned thing off! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted September 14, 2012 When Cheryl Cole is on that advert for L'Oreal saying, "Five problems, one solution." I always think, "Girls Aloud and a machette." :D Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted September 19, 2012 To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs....... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
corrado_sunderland 0 Posted September 20, 2012 To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs....... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted October 15, 2012 Felix Baumgartner has just found the ball from Chris Waddle's penalty in World Cup 1990. :) :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
corrado_sunderland 0 Posted October 17, 2012 Just sent this to a few people this morning :lol: Our records indicate you may been have abused by jimmy saville and are entitled to £2350 in compensation.To claim text STOP jimmy STOP to 82250 ---------- Post added at 10:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 9:28 AM ---------- George Clooney is to play Jimmy Savilles in a film of his life. It will be called oh she's eleven Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jim 2 Posted October 17, 2012 These Jimmy Saville allegations will never end - now they're saying that Jeremy Beadle had a small hand in it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dragon green 5 Posted October 17, 2012 It can only be a matter of time before Boris Johnson's mum says she was raped in 1963 by Jimmy Saville ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Portent 0 Posted October 19, 2012 I got this as a text the other day while I was in the pub. I literally spat my beer over the guy sitting opposite :D Our records indicate that you were once felt up by Jimmy Savile and could be entitled to £2147 in compensation. Just reply "how's about that then" to register or to opt out just text "stop jummy stop". Register before the end of the month and get a free "Lawyers 4 U fixed it for me" medal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
corrado_sunderland 0 Posted October 20, 2012 I was driving the gti there and the van in front had jimmy fixed it for me wrote on the back door in dirt :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VR-Sixy 0 Posted November 2, 2012 Two girls are chatting in the playgound. The first one said "Freddie Starr ate my Hamster". "That's nothing" said the other girl. "Jimmy Savile ate my Beaver". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jamiehamy 0 Posted November 2, 2012 Sports Connection have stopped production of Jimmy Saville trackies. The top was an adults, but you had to squeeze into a childs bottom. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Peebee 0 Posted November 20, 2012 In The Afghan desert A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through theAfghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find aBritish soldier selling regimental ties.The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Wouldyou like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5."The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need anover-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find waterfirst!""OK," said the soldier, "It doesn't matter that you don't want tobuy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger thanthat, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue overthat hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant'sMess. It has all the ice cold water you need.Inshallah."Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill..Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration &rasped......"They won't let me in without a f-------g tie! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yacobwood 0 Posted November 24, 2012 What's di matteo and a lady boy got in common? Two cups and the sack Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
